LivingTodayInThePresent

At long last, GAME! Magazine finally decides to have an anime section! Too bad I won’t be able to dip even a fingertip in it.

Yes, I still love anime and I’m 22 years old. I’m not an introvert, an outcast and neither am I your typical anime fan boy drooling over hot anime babes with mecha figures in their room. I just plain love Japanese animation in all forms and genres.

One anime I’ve been obsessing over is BLEACH by Kubo Tite. It’s a story about a fifteen year old boy who has the power to see ghosts– but that’s just the beginning. Because of his powers, he encounters a surly female shinigami or Death God and to save his family, he takes her power & makes it his own. End of story? Nope, that’s just the beginning and this anime is rife with the most amazing characters with great subplots interwoven in the main story.

There’s a Quincy Archer (Ishida-kun I loooooove you!) who is the last of his kind, a busty redhead with a lethal flower pin and a smogasboard of friends, captains and vice captains and so many other minor and not so minor characters.

Like a rabid fangirl, I’ve bought all the episodes, created a fanfic, downloaded mp3s, I’ve dabbled and drowned in anything and everything Bleach.

So it’s basically a knife in the back, heart, and gut right now that my magazine is featuring Bleach on our next issue, and I’m not a part of it.

Just wish I can live my life like an anime character in that series, I can probably just go to Soul Society or kick a bad-ass’ hollow’s rear just to release this smoldering frustration. Too bad there’s no Ishida Uryuu in real life either but hey, that’s  completely different story.

My totally crappy week finally comes to an end– and it’s with me having a rather severe asthma attack.

I honestly can’t remember the last time I had the "wheezing", the coughing, the clogged sinuses, it’s been that long since I was at the mercy of my childhood illness. But here I am now, fighting to draw a breath without coughing in anybody’s face.

I recently got an email from a college professor, at the end of her email, it was written down, "Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today." And the quote struck me like a lightning bolt. I haven’t had many dreams as of late (except work oriented nightmares) but what I also realized is that I stopped being an optimist. I stopped dreaming. I stopped making plans and focused only on the bottomline. And I think that’s what affected me the most. I was so focused on achieving I forgot to believe. I lived only through my work and not through my personal growth and happiness.

But with this realization, maybe now I can slow down. Not expect too much from myself. Not demand things which are quite beyond my control. Maybe now I can try living each day as if its my last. Maybe now I can stop and savor every time I draw a breath.

Today is one of those days a woman would sell her eyelashes to never have.

Everything is going in reverse and a more brutal way of saying it is that this day just blew to pieces (of sh*t).

I can’t wait to see what the third worse thing that can happen– and so far, I’ve had about a hundred of those two kinds happening– a client’s budgetary deficit and disappearing possibilities. Professionally, I’m in the tightest pinch imaginable and will be cooked by management over grease and hot oil a few days from now.

But– I do have an escape hatch. Unfortunately, it’s one I can’t take because I just bloody got regularized and my other tech team members are also resigning. If I leave there would only be two people handling three tech titles instead of the intended 7.

There is this ten-ton weight in my heart even after a wonderful weekend. This ten-ton weight is driving me crazy– it’s my work.