LivingTodayInThePresent

I’ve been thinking about this quote lately and its something that two of my good friends have been drumming into my brain on separate occasions," If its not crazy, passionate love, then what’s the point?" Mind you, these two people barely know each other yet the fact that both they’re saying the same thing has got to mean something. And it got me thinking, what is the point indeed for two individuals to stay together in a relationship?

Could the point be the "Thunder-and-lightning-with-earthquakes- you’re-so-hot-you-blow-my-mind" kind of love?

Or maybe it’s the "I-am-so-insane-about-you-I-need-you-in-my-life-24/7" type?

Then again, the relationship could be based on the atypical "I-can’t-imagine-being-with-anyone-else-but-you (because you’re simple and conservative)" kind of love.

Well, for whatever reasons people have for being in a committed relationship, in one way or another the facts I’ve stated above reflect that. The definitions I’ve enumerated in order being chocolate (passion), nutty banana (need) and vanilla (commitment) hold true as motivations for most people in maintaining their relationships. I definitely know why I’ve been unable to get pass that quote so this article is a form therapy for myself. But how about you, what’s your flavor?

Some people think its love when there’s this crazy, animal passion and overflowing electricity between them. That oftentimes, what they feel is just too big for words and that only the blaze of intimacy can eclipse it. And believe me, I have read a battalion of romance novels (and listened to my well-meaning friends), to get me thinking, "Gee, isn’t that kind of fire the only way to love?" But then again, this grand passion could mean throwing everything to fate or surrendering ( to your partner) completely and physically, well– touching each other would like spontaneous combustion. Pardon me for the utter cheesiness but to me it seems a lot like aiming for the sun even as it blinds you and kills you with the heat of its intensity.

Occasionally and especially after reading a Nora Roberts novel, I find myself wistful of how an experience like that could be. Hot of course, exciting and unpredictable. Though unfortunately, if my life was indeed like a book then I could have sworn my character has just taken a vow of chastity and got locked in a nunnery. Where is a white knight when you need one? And yes, he doesn’t need to be all that chivalrous.

And that brings me to the other type of love, the nutty banana kind. Now this kind of love is what I see as a relationship founded on need. (See white knight and rescuing above) Then again, this is also the type of love wherein people who are the walking wounded, the lonely find each other and complete whatever blank spaces they have left. This is also the love where people always go the extra mile and beyond just to just see their partner or make her happy. I’m talking about people who would commute from San Juan to Cavite with only a hundred pesos in their pocket and people who would defy their family, change their lifestyle, and worse, compromise everything– just to be by the side of their "reason for living". Sheesh! Talk about effort and linear-mindedness! This kind of love would have been ideal if it wasn’t for the fact that it’s obsessive and needy. Aww nuts! Anyway, moving on…

Now the last kind is the plain vanilla kind of love. No sparks, a once in a blue moon heat wave and it’s best described as steady. It’s the kind of relationship that is so fixed; the two of you are practically like an old married couple! The chaste peck on the lips, the "I’m home na routine", the dinner and movie date once a week… it’s a cycle of predictability. In this kind of relationship, you need not worry about getting pregnant because any and all physical intimacy is saved for "marriage" and there is no chemistry or interest to begin with! It’s a meeting of minds and of values.  The relationship was not founded on attraction or lust, it was built because of mutuality sometimes often appearing as though the couple is together for the sake of commitment. Now this kind of relationship I find horribly and incredibly sad. But then again, someone told me that sometimes love is what’s left after all the sparks and the crazy have faded. That this is what’s real because it’s abiding, it’s constant and it’s not dependent on external factors. Someone told me that it’s not always fireworks and that that people you count on sometimes fail to make the effort but what’s felt inside never changes. I guess now I find myself thinking, "When all the years have passed and times have changed, when you reminisce the past which would make you smile more, a fiery finish, an unfilled ache or an unchanging pace?"

"I know it’s a cornball thing but love is passion, obsession, someone you can’t live without. If you don’t start with that, what are you going to end up with? I say fall head over heels. Find someone you love like crazy and who will love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you’ll come back. Because the truth is, there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love– well, you haven’t lived life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived. Stay open. Who knows? Lightning could strike." - Meet Joe Black

It’s always great to know you have a choice.

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 15th, 2006 at 2:46 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.