LivingTodayInThePresent

Blogbite 1: Nearing the end of a straight four (4) hour lecture, no restroom breaks or food breaks– my cell phone died, my eyes watered from the strain, my stomach began protesting its status and my rear end went numb. All in all though, in that organ-failing, brain-numbing experience, I really learned a lot. Seriously. It was review for the Bar Ops so some of us (freshmen) got the chance to sit in and see future subjects under Civil Law. While it was pretty much a blur in the beginning, intestate succesions, oppositors, wills, legitimes, etc… clarity dawned subsequently. I’m not a huge fan of Civil Law, I much preferred the complexities of Criminal Law but last night, it finally seemed like an interesting puzzle. One that I look forward to in the following days.

Blogbite 2: Due to the emotional upheaval I experienced these past few days, I really was given the chance to see and once again, deeply appreciate the fatc that I have the most wonderful friends in the whole world. Sunday, my besty despite being tired from work offered his unequivocal and unconditional support; Monday, after reading my status message "In tears", a very good friend of mine from my previous office Hinge Inquirer Publications (and my editor as well) went immediately to my office in Enterprise Center to talk to me and treat me to lunch. Officemates in Health Care Corporation of America also counselled and cheered me up all through the day. Tuesday, my college "mommy" texted me and asked how I was doing and in no time, I told her and she immediately offered to meet me up for a bonding session anytime and anywhere despite the fact that she lives in San Mateo, Rizal. When I told her of my school schedule, she offered a weekend and even mobilized the rest of the barkada about my current dilemma. Wednesday, my schoolmates in PCU, upon finally getting the facts from me formed a text brigade that offered support and encouragement to me through the night. I am truly blessed to have such wonderful people in my life. Thank God for good karma!

Blogbite 3: Do you believe in karma? I do, it’s just because there are certain things in life you get punished for and rewarded for. Take for example, if I missed to pray the rosary before I go to sleep, more often than not, I would run late for work because of aggravating circumstances (e.g. jeep stalled, the bus got stopped by traffic aide, etc). Also, because I treat people with the same courtesy I want to be given me and I go out of my way to be nice to everybody, I feel as though I’m always secure and lucky in life. For some, karma might be metaphysical crap but to me, it’s a nice outlook in life, "You get what you give," and if you treat people like crap more or less, you get treated like camel dung. But if you treat everybody with respect and with justice, you are given the same courtesy. Boy do I love karma!

Blogbite 4: I got a new extremely short haircut, I look like a cross between tomboyish Akane Tendo of Ranma 1/2 (observation courtesy of my blockmate Archimedes) and the bubbly yet tragic Hokuto Sumeragi from Tokyo Babylon. Bwahahahaha! ^_^

I was home alone last Wednesday evening. Originally, I thought it would be the perfect time to review for my Criminal Law midterms because of the peace and quiet of having the house all to myself. But no thanks to Gus and his scary elevator story, my imagination began working in overdrive… and in no time at all, I managed to scare myself silly inside my own home.

My parents and my brother went to an uncle’s wake and let me just tell you that I’m not that big of a scaredy cat. I love watching Asian horror movie with Gus, and I’m usually the type who’s perfectly content to stay home alone. But somehow that night, even as I tried hard to focus on studying, every other minute or so, I would give a start every sound I heard. Every sound got magnified into something scary and ominous. Each rustling noise had me thinking of burglars or ghosts, I was slowly and illogically driving myself nuts with fright!

I tried to reason with my hyperactive mind that the front door was locked so I’m perfectly safe but then again, my mind screamed back at me, "The gate is not locked you dimwit, what do you mean safe?!" I tried to read, I tried to watch TV, I turned on the radio, I locked myself in my roombut it seemed to me that there was something ominous about to happen. I tried talking myself out of paranoia but unfortunately my mind’s gotten ahead of my sensibilities, it was already imagining all sorts of scenarios, my heart was palpitating and worse, I can hear the music of psycho playing in my head!

I contemplated calling my parents to tell them to come home early but since it was family duty, it seemed trivial of me to demand that they go home immediately to assure my paranoia. I only had one option left or more likely one option with three choices.So swallowing my pride, I desperately sent an SOS text message to three beings whom I fervently hoped were kindhearted and interesting to drive me to distraction. And guess what, all three of them heeded my call. ^_^

Note: Due to the fact that one of the people mentioned in this blog is quite a personality, I deemed it best to abridge this version of Knights in Shiny Armor because of friendster’s very public blog and post a more comprensive one in my wordpress blog. I do have shame you know. ^_~

Vince my boyfriend was first to heed my call. It was 9:30 in the evening and though he was still hard at work at finishing his program, he texted me and called me at my landline a few minutes later. He told me he was going to put me on speaker phone because he still had to focus on his work and ordered that I immediately inform him if anything alarming would come up.

While we were talking, a text message came through. It was from a light that has never been lit. Subsequently, a very good friend of mine also called up on my cellphone asking if I was okay. It was a very nice gesture at first until that friend began to talk about having been gifted with a similarly overactive imagination and about how it feels and what’s inside houses, nearly hysterical I hung up on that friend.

Throughout the long night, Vince and my other knight in shining armor kept me company– in totally different ways. One through speakerphone and the other through patient texting. Silent and unseen, they still both managed to provide the feeling of security I seemed to have misplaced that night.

You know I always thought that it was always up to me to take care of myself until I realized that night that sometimes, it’s okay to be scared as long as you have knights in shining armor to protect you from the real or imagined monsters. 

From now on, short snippets of information or writing within my blog will be deemed blogbites. ^_^

Blogbite 1. I got the second highest score in our Civil Law midterms! Hurray! And here I was, freaking out over the three mistakes I counted in my head… but then again, I got a really good leak that told me our professor actually praised me for my English and said I was pretty good. Hallelujah! I’m bursting with joy!

Blogbite 2. I’m falling in love… with a wordpress blog. Catch my newly improved blog at http://wordpress.com. It’s so cool with links and the photo blogging system, I can basically do everything I want with it. It’s super new, only 5 or so posts but my anime archive is also there… plus, I’m collaborating with a good friend on setting up a major anime blog. Wait and see. Hehehe. I’m bursting with the excitement of possibilities.

Blogbite 3. Good friends are such a blessing. This is just a rewind of Gus and me hanging out over the weekend. We were both bummed out by the circumstances of life and it was such a pleasure reconnecting again last Sunday. We watched the movie "Wolf Creek" which we thought was a screamfest… unfortunately, it just made us scream in frustration. But the highlight of the evening was our arcade marathon. We actually finished "House of the Dead 4"! And it was a blast! It was nice remembering what great teamwork we had and though we had calluses to remember that game by, it was worth it.

I saw Adam Sandler’s movie "Click" last weekend and I totally identified myself with his character, the hard-working, persecuted and harrassed Micheal Newman. I must be turning into a mental case if I identified myself an Adam Sandler character but its true! Adam’s character was an ordinary joe who got blessed with a wonderful family but a lousy paycheck.

Out of all of his movies, CLICK definitely had the most heart and it’s almost a simple story about a middle-class guy, hoping and dreaming of making it big in work for the sake of his family. But the crux is, when Micheal chose to pursue his career when he went fast forward, he was put on auto pilot where all his choices were for the good of his job and not for his family. His family life suffered as a consequence of his rise to success.

The message of the story was very touching, it examined the choices one has to make in life and I admit I shed a few tears on the last few scenes. "CLICK" is definitely the perfect movie for workaholics and "toxic" people out there.

Lately, I’ve also been wishing I had a universal remote to just not deal with the mess and stress I’m facing right and that I could just fast forward to the time when things are nice and peachy. I’ve been daydreaming about fast forwarding to four years from now, that I’m a lawyer, that I’m geeting married and that I’m fast on my way to becoming a legal eagle. But life as it is, there is no fast track to success. Blood, sweat and tears pave the way to the sweetest of life’s truimphs.

People usually never need to ask my motivations behind taking law– as I recall, most male friends call me a "female activist" and I’ve always been the first to head causes and issues that I feel are unfair or unjust. To most people who know me, my taking up law was a natural progression that needed no further explanation.

But I distinctly remember the scholarship screening, how 40-plus people got grilled by a panel of law school deans and luminaries on their reasons for pursuing law. I remember being asked to recite the preamble–with disastruous results. And I also remember one of the panelists, a rather tough looking oldtimer asking, "So why did you take up law? For money? For the title?" He seemed very skeptical of my motives, I mean, here I am, a young lady who looks too good-natured and delicate, fighting for a chance at the scholarship. He literally dissected me on sight and obviously found me unable to fit the mold of what should be a law student.

And I just said, "I just want to make a difference."

It sounds stupidly idealistic and laughably trite I know— but that’s my motivation for studying law. Right now, my mother and Vince is trying hard to side-track my one-track mind from pursuing a law career in the government. But I don’t really care about the money coporate law is going to bring and while I’m considering private law/prosecutor, I just want to be like my favorite attorney Katrina Legarda. I remember watching the Jalosjos case and going, "Wow, that’s the woman I want to be when I grow up."

And I have grown up and this passion to be this great woman who served to defend and help the oppressed female victims has not faded one bit. Everyday, my determination to bring about change, even in the smallest ways grows stronger and more vibrant. I want to be the woman who’d stand up for those who’ve been weighed down by abuse.

Right now, my path though isn’t the easiest. While thanks to my scholarship I get to pursue my vision, the other distractions are KILLING me. 9 hours of work in the office, school at night, the hazards of public transportation— I go through these every single day just to reach my dream. Like Adam Sandler’s character– I just want to get things over and done with, be on auto-pilot so i wouldn’t have to suffer through small but stressful emotional nuances. I sometimes just want to fast forward to four years from now— but then again, I realized… I wouldn’t be the woman I want to be if I didn’t go through such difficult times.

So note to self: just click back to your motivations and forget those annoying distractions. Your time and energy is best spent on following your dreams.

*Adversity builds character.*

Check out my blog in http://aperfectlycrazedlife.blogspot.com for full details.

You know what, I’m actually starting to feel empowered taking on the persona of a "bratty girl". It’s actually the first time anyone’s ever called me that and its liberating to finally acknowledge the brat within. Hello world, meet the bratty side of Joan!

I’ve often been referred to as the nerd, the geek, the walking dictionary, the ice queen, and the NR (no reaction) kind of girl. Its just not in me to be high brow or delicate but I guess because of the way I look, I’ve often been misinterpreted to be mataray. But (smart) people upon getting to know me find out that I’m terribly cowboy, I’m surprisingly kuripot, and not the least bit of a prima donna or a major bitch. An officemate even told me recently, "How can you be a good lawyer? You’re so smiley faced and you should at least be a bitch para mas madefend mo clients mo!"

But now– I’m having an attitude overhaul. I’m often perceived to be the good girl, "the working scholar" type, the one who never fights back, but now that I’m taking a page off of my bestfriend’s life, I finally welcome it, beware the bratty girl– I always bite back! ^_^

I never realized how precious 50 minutes could be.

Yesterday wasn’t a very good day for me, I had the worst time commuting, I ran late because I missed the LRT by 5 secs, I studied really hard for a graded recitation in Criminal Law but I didn’t get called, I had to spend all my money on 200+ pages of xeroxed cases and plus my bus seatmate on my way home was a total skank.

It was a pretty dismal day and it probably would have been the worst when a text mesage woke me up at midnight.

“M hme n hun rng my fone wn u wke up hatd kta ofc"

Because unless my eyes were deceiving me, at 12:30 midnight, my usually sweetly oblivious boyfriend is actually telling me he’ll be driving me to work!

Other people who probably say, "What’s the fuss? Don’t boyfriends usually do that?" Well, our relationship routine is very different from the norm, he doesn’t usually drive me to work or pick me up from school, he doesn’t always text or call me at home or at work, he doesn’t give me flowers, i pick up the tab every now and then– he’s the ultimate nontraditional boyfriend.

Clearly, those I mentioned are products of effort but I actually didn’t really mind their absence because deep-down, I knew that those are just ordinary trappings. A guy could give a girl flowers every day but its truly not an actual indication of a man’s sincerity. Vince could be pretty boneheaded at times, he’s completely oblivious and he wouldn’t have a clue unless you fill him in on the details– twice. But I’m actually coming to grips with his kakuripotan, kamanhidan, and his inherent lack of initiative and romance.

Right now, in the middle of all the craziness going on in both our lives, his with his work and upcoming certification and mine with school and my job, it’s easy to see that there’s a chance we’ll drift apart or that one of us will get frustrated at the hecticness of our lives. The fact that he’s completely complacent is also a deep concern of mine– until this weekend when I got that message.

I realized then that he’s making an effort to keep our relationship going. My uber relaxed boyfriend is finally going the extra mile and although that extra mile is often cut short by the restraints of our schedule, every single minute is priceless. This weekend of stolen time, a quick breakfast, a hurried lunch, driving me to school, taking me to work– I realized that this is all I need to know that he loves me.

I’ve always considered myself to be a fearless road warrior. Commuting has never been a issue for me, in fact, I often prefer the use of public transportation to being picked up or getting a ride from my dad or Vince. I never have felt any anxiety climbing aboard a jeep or riding a bus, even late at night. That used to be the case, until last week.

A lot of people have remarked how unladylike it is to be so into commuting but I actually liked it. I liked being able to save money, the feeling that you’re not reliant on somebody else to get you to where you want to go and I loved the quiet time I have with myself whenever I commute. Sure there are down times, the annoying 101.1 station where most buses and jeeps seemed to be tuned into, the occasional "manyak", the nauseating PDA of young couples, the crowd– but otherwise, whenever I commute, I feel powerful. I felt in charge of my detiny(ation). ^_^

But my usual bravado failed me last week and to this day, I am terrified of riding in a jeepney. More specifically, I am terrified of riding in a Manila jeepney. I am terrified of going to school and going home from school if I commute. Here’s the reason why:

Joseph, my classmate got held up last Sunday. The thing is, we would usually go home together since we both go the same way. We would ride jeepneys fearlessly in Manila and we would sometimes be going home at 8:30 or at 9PM. Last Sunday, we had a make-up class for Constitutional Law from 9AM to 12PM. That day, I didn’t commute at all because Vince and I had breakfast and lunch together so he picked me up.

When I came to class the next day, Joseph told me he got held up right after he left from school. At 1:30PM in the afternoon–in broad daylight, and the worse thing is, there were 13 other people who got deprived of their possessions in the same jeepney.

It was an armed robbery by a what is already considered a band. Three men, one carrying a knife, the other a gun and the other is the collector. It was raining heavily that day so the jeep’s blinds were down. Those 14 people gave up their wallets and cell phones without a fight but what made the whole thing even more despicable is that the robbers, apparently not satisfied with the booty they got, they proceeded to molest the women passengers. They kissed the women on the lips and mashed their breasts. Suprisingly, when the ordeal was done, it was only Joseph who came to the police station to report it.

That incident was rooted in my mind but it didn’t exactly deter me from my usual habit of commuting fearlessly even though its late at night.

But just last Thursday after class, Joseph and I decided to board an empty jeep. The jeep barely moved an inch when three strange men suddenly started to board the jeep. Joseph was paying our fare but even when I saw their faces, a paralyzing fear gripped me. I felt so terrified for no other reason but the sight of them. What made the fear worse was when one of them leaned down and a swiss knife fell from his bag.

So I began talking in a very loud voice, "Joseph, baba tayo bilis, naiwan ko book ko sa library, bilis baba na tayo!" It was all I can do to keep myself from jumping out of the jeep. Joseph looked at me and I began insisting we go down without even bothering to reclaim what we paid. Surprisingly, he went down with me. The first person I saw when I got down was Ms. Chona and I was talking much too loudly, saying that I left my book and had to go back to school, yadda yadda– I just didn’t want those men to become suspicious of why we suddenly went down we they boarded.

We walked away and when we were at a goodly distance, Joseph whispered, "Jo, sila yung nang-hold-up sakin!"

Now I don’t know if it was Divine Intervention, woman’s instinct, or a guardian angel that made me feel that overwhelming sense of danger but I’m so glad it did. It might have saved my life. I have good reason to believe the jeepney driver was in on it. And I’m sure those men wouldn’t be just satisfied with a mere kiss since its already late and Joseph and I were the only two passengers. It definitely would have been a lot worse.

Now, I feel so helpless and powerless. That close call made me realize what I dangerous world we live in after all. And now, I don’t feel safe. Commuters out there, read this and take this as a lesson, don’t be too overconfident of your security. I was just extremely lucky that I had that "feeling" and I paid attention to it. But now, my courage has come undone.